Living through your children is not the same as loving them.
Living through your children means trying to control them, to set the course of their lives–all in the name of “doing what’s best” for them. It’s dishonest. It would be more honest to simply say to your growing child, “I’m in charge here. Don’t think. I’ll take care of planning your life.” To act on this premise while claiming something different (“It’s all out of love”) creates terrible confusion, pain and hypocrisy. Good parents take responsibility for creating a sane and stable environment in which their child’s independence and self-confidence will flourish. That’s all; and that’s more than enough.