Election 2008: Our Foreign Policy Choices

McCain: Fight terrorism with conventional warfare that has nothing whatsoever to do with the terrorist threat itself.

Spend 100 years sacrificing young American soldiers in Iraq, or longer if necessary. Glorify sacrifice and dare anyone to question this of a man who spent time in a POW camp nearly 50 years ago. Forget about everything else such as Iran, Syria, the PLO and the possible demise of Israel, our only Middle Eastern ally. Fight biological and nuclear warfare threats with good old fashioned 1940s style warfare. When questioned or criticized about this policy, say the word “Surge” and make the criticism go away.

Obama: Don’t fight terrorism. Say “Change.” Pretend that this isn’t the retreat that it is. Talk of “Change.” Speak in pseudo-lofty, exceedingly vague terms about nobility, optimism and–most of all–“Change.” Appear with Oprah. Hope for the best. If attacked again, hold a U.N. meeting. Smile, say “Change,” and blame everything on the right-wing conservatism of Bush-Clinton-Clinton-Bush-Bush-Clinton. Say “Change.”

Hillary: Check today’s polls and act accordingly. Tomorrow is another poll and another day. Appeal to both the pro-Iraq War hawks and the pacifistic Obama Democrats when either of those groups is needed for votes. Do whatever it takes to become President. That’s all that ever really mattered.